I was talking to a client this week, she was telling me that she had set this goal, but didn’t achieve it. She was noticing that she was feeling disappointed even a little bit embarrassed that she didn’t get to where she wanted to be.
I’m sure that we’ve all had that experience, I know I have, where I set a goal where it was really important to me. I was doing everything I could and I got to the time frame that I wanted to achieve that goal by, and I didn’t make it.
What do you do in those moments where you didn’t make a goal, or didn’t achieve the thing you wanted to achieve? There’s a part of you that’s disappointed, maybe embarrassed, you don’t want to let people know. And that can be pretty tough. What do we do in those moments?
I'm sure that we've all had that experience, I know I have, where I set a goal where it was really important to me. I was doing everything I could and I got to the time frame that I wanted to achieve that goal by, and I didn't make it.
There’s a few things to do to manage your emotions in those moments. One of the pieces that Bob Proctor shared with me, and it’s been so powerful, is that goals are not for getting. Goals are for growing. So the goals are for the growth that we’re going to experience in the achievement, in the going after, in the pursuit of that goal.
When you set a goal, you’re going to have to grow in order to achieve it. You want to have have that personal growth. When you don’t achieve a goal in the time frame that you set out, one of the pieces is to harness the growth.
How have I grown in the pursuit of this goal? You want to get the learnings, understand that there was growth along the way. Harvest that so you can use it.
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The second thing to know is that we don’t know how long it’s going to take to achieve a goal. It’s very easy to measure the gestation period of many seeds that we plant, if it’s a carrot seed, if it’s a human baby, we know the gestation period of that. We don’t always know the gestation period of our dreams and the seeds that we’re planting in our minds in the form of goals that we want to accomplish.
So we can say that “I want to achieve this by December 31st”, or to set a date, but we don’t know what that gestation period is, so we hold that date with an open hand. It’s this or something even greater still.
And if you don’t achieve that goal, the qualifier is, “is this still important to me? Would I still love to have this result?” And if you would, then the time frame becomes somewhat irrelevant. You set that goal. You say “I want to achieve this by…” and choose a date. If the date comes and goes, and you still haven’t achieved it, allow yourself to be disappointed for a little while. Be disappointed. Be frustrated. Allow yourself to feel a little embarrassed that you didn’t achieve it. But then your next step is to recommit. Are you still in love with this goal? Would you still love to achieve this thing? And if you would, then set a new date and recommit to whatever action is going to be required. The thinking, the feeling, what’s required in service of achieving that goal, recommit and go after it again.
I speak to this from personal experience. I had a goal that I wanted to achieve in my business for many years, and I set that goal, and I would miss it. And I would set it again, and I would miss it. And I would set it again, and I would miss it. There was a part of me that was embarrassed, there was a part of me that was disappointed. I would have colleagues that would exceed that goal and I would be looking at them, wanting to go into comparison.
When I really was honest with myself, I was growing every time I set that goal and went after that goal. I was growing, I was learning some things, and I would reset the goal and I would go after it, and I would grow some more. And when I finally did achieve that goal, there was such a moment of pride, of excitement, and mostly of honoiring who I had become in the process.
And guess what? After you achieve a goal, there’s a new one!
So we hold the timeline with an open hand. It’s okay to be disappointed, it’s okay to maybe be a little bit embarrassed, but don’t pitch a tent there. Ask yourself, “Am I still in love with this goal?” Recommit. And know that part of setting the goal is that you want the growth, and what you’re going to learn, and who you’re going to become in the process of achieving that goal. Goals aren’t just for getting, goals are for growing.
Here is to you living a life you love,
Stacey
After 16 years of climbing the corporate ladder, mentoring entrepreneurs in marking, operations and finance, I made the decision in 2014 to teach success principles full time, combining my love of business and personal development.
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