This week is Jeff and my 17th wedding anniversary, and we’ve been together for 21 years this month.
Part of my vision in the relationship quadrant, is that when people see Jeff and I together, that we inspire others about what’s possible in a marriage. That often gets reflected back to us when people see us together, that it inspires them about what’s possible in a relationship and in a marriage.
So on today’s video we had a candid conversation, and I will reflect the messages here, about what it’s like to be married to each other, maybe giving a little bit of insight into our lives, and any insights that we could provide to help somebody else really have and create a strong marriage.
When I think about one of the things that's created success in our marriage is, we've always been visioning and dreaming and asking that "what's next", and pondering what we want life to look like.
Jeff and I met at a parachute club in 1998, where my siblings, friends and I were skydiving. Jeff was supposed to skydive that day, but he had sprained his ankle pretty badly. Jeff had driven his best friend and roommate, who was dating my sister, and stayed to watch. Jeff and I often end up at the same places, and eventually we started dating.
We got married in 2005 in Costa Rica on the beach. The vision was to get married in our bare feet on the beach. The sand was too hot so we couldn’t go barefoot, but it was still beautiful. Then we backpacked around Costa Rica for three weeks which was a magical trip. At the time, we had a lot going on in our lives. I had just been promoted into a new position, Jeff had been injured in the military, and was about to transition out of the military. One day we were laying on the beach dreaming and creating a vision of what our life was going to look like together. We still have that notebook!
Today’s topic on YouTube
When I think about one of the things that’s created success in our marriage is, we’ve always been visioning and dreaming and asking that “what’s next”, and pondering what we want life to look like. It started right from planning our wedding, and then dreaming on the beach about what was life gonna look like.
Jeff says, “We are always asking questions but always in a supportive way. No matter what we decided, on the route we were gonna go, it was always 100 percent supportive.”
When I think about how Jeff has supported my dreams, and hopefully how I’ve supported his, it’s always been an attitude of “as long as you’re happy, we’ll figure it out.” That’s been the foundational principle: if it’s going to make you happy, we’ll find a way, and we’ll figure it out.
That was before I was even exposed to the work of teaching and applying transformational principles. I would say we were “unconscious competents”. We didn’t really know what we were doing, but looking back, we can see the pattern.
We’ve also always been very much into our personal growth. We found a spiritual and growth path that resonated with us both, and we grew together. Jeff shares, “That’s the key. It’s being able to step out of comfort zones, and being in that continual growth, growing in the same direction. It’s not easy sometimes, there’s some effort and work.”
And when it comes to facing adversity and challenges? We have had our share of adversity in our lives!
Jeff says it great: “The way we face adversity, doesn’t matter what it is, is usually through a couple jokes to start. There’s always a few little laughs. The humour takes the charge or shock out of it. We know we’re not going to get stuck, we know we’ll get to the solution.” We approach challenges with an attitude of “we’ll figure it out.” When you just believe at your core that we can figure it out, that’s definitely helpful.
Another piece that we’ve grown into, is there is so much self accountability. It would be so much easier sometimes to blame each other for our bad mood, or blame one another for what’s going wrong! We both now have an awareness of our own accountability in situations: “Nobody can think my thoughts but me.” and “Nobody can control myself but me.” When you have that level of self-accountability, it doesn’t mean that we don’t get frustrated with each other, but we are pretty quick to move to realize “Okay, this is about me, not them.” Sometimes we need some space, too! We take our time, we get our space, and then it’s saying “Here’s here’s what’s going on for me.” It’s not always easy.
There’s a few qualities that I admire so much about Jeff that I wish I had more of. One of them is his pure passion. Like when Jeff gets into something, and excited about it, he is so passionate and so committed, and I definitely admire that. And his kind heart. He is the most generous person I know, and just can make anybody feel like a million bucks, and it’s so genuine and so sincere. I see it with our our family, but also with strangers and in the work that we get to do in the world.
Jeff replies, “And for Stacey, the qualities and that I really love, and I wish I could take more on is her calmness in certain situations. Just how she can stay grounded, and it feels like she comes from such a pure place and of love and support. For our family, for her clients, for everybody that she comes in contact with.”
I think to the to the person who’s wanting love in their life, or wanting deeper connection, it always starts with a vision. It’s asking and defining what would you love in a relationship? We certainly vision for who we want to be in our relationship, what we want out of our relationship, but it starts with that vision, and then asking who do I need to be?
It’s so easy to state I want this from my partner, I want them to be this way, but it really starts with who am I being? Am I being the person who is vulnerable, who’s open, who’s laughing, who’s growing? Again, it goes back to that self-awareness piece. Not waiting for somebody else to be something. It really starts with you. And it’s work!
We’ve been together for 21 years, and every year I believe we go, “Wow, that was an amazing year!” because we work at it, and and we grow together, and we just really want for each other to to be happy, and that’s really important.
There’s a great expression, “The wisest person I know is my tailor, because he measures me anew every day.” And I love that because I think, I’m not the same person I was yesterday. Jeff’s not the same person he was yesterday. So stay curious every day, and not become complacent.
I hope by us spending these few moments with you you take something from this! Share below, what’s your insight? What’s your action step that you’ll take, maybe with your partner, or your partner that you’re calling in, by means of spending this time with us today. We’re very very grateful to be on this journey with you, and we hope that our story inspires you about what’s possible in your own relationships.
To you living a life you love,
Stacey
After 16 years of climbing the corporate ladder, mentoring entrepreneurs in marking, operations and finance, I made the decision in 2014 to teach success principles full time, combining my love of business and personal development.
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