Managing Stressful Times – A Life Coaching Session

I has a session with Andrea today, where we talked a little bit about her vision, di some laser coaching, for the purpose of serving this whole community. One of the things that I know is that when one person has a question, chances are that that question can absolutely serve almost all of us, so thanks to Andrea for this session.

I asked Andrea, “As you look at your vision, one of the things that we do is we work with four quadrants; so we have our health, relationships, our career/vocation, and then the time and money freedom. So if you look at right now which quadrant is most important to you, kind of that highest priority one, and you know, usually we’ve got one or two we’re more focused on.”

Andrea:  “You know, I’ve got a renovation going on, and that’s sort of vocation for the income potential, but also time and money freedom. I need to get the renovation done so I can get it rented out, and start this new business venture where I am currently feeling lack rather than expansion.
I responded,  “OK, so those two quadrants, and so the feeling of lack. The feeling of lack, or we call it, the longing and the discontent. So when we’re looking at the four areas of our life, um you know, life, growth, is speaking to us all the time. It’s asking us and inviting us to lean in, to grow, to become a more expanded version of ourselves. One of the ways that it does that and shows up for us is in discontent, which in your case right now, you’re speaking to in terms of lack. Right?
Andrea agreed.

I clarified: “So you had a vision of renovating your basement and renting that out as as a way to generate some more income, so you’re in the midst of that.”

Andrea stated “Yes, in the midst of it. I’m not quite living my vision yet, but getting very close to it. I’m excited and it’s been a waiting process, which has been frustrating for me as well. But, getting towards that final product.”

I went on: “Yeah. One of the things you and I have talked about Andrea, which is a big part of it, is we start with the vision. So in your case, you have a vision of a fully renovated basement. You’re renting that out, and it’s generating income. And so you have the vision. And we’re not there yet – we’re in a current condition. So there’s a gap. And when we’re in the gap, which means I’m not yet seeing the results, it’s really easy to get frustrated, right? To be disappointed. I mean you’ve had some challenges with trades, and it’s taken a little bit longer, and yet this is the real work, right? It’s really easy to be grateful when the basement’s renovated, and the money’s coming in, and the trades are showing up. It’s easy to be grateful in those moments, but the real work is how you are showing up inside the gap. And we’ve really been trained in this thinking that WHEN I have the result, THEN I’ll be happy, then I’ll be grateful, then I’ll feel relief. And the work that you and I do together is that I’ve got to generate that feeling within in order to get to the results. So just maybe speak a little bit to that Andrea, and how that has served you? Where it’s been easy, where it’s been challenging? What what have you noticed there?”

"It's really easy to be grateful when the basement's renovated, and the money's coming in, and the trades are showing up, but the real work is how you are showing up inside the gap."

Andrea answered: “Everything’s just taking so much longer than I had initially anticipated. I’ve had to fire a contractor, which was super stressful. And then just having so many contractors in and out of my house, the constant noise, working on their schedule which isn’t necessarily corresponding with my schedule. I’ve been trying to keep gratitude in mind throughout all of this, and not come unglued on anybody, because that is not the type of person that I want to be. So I’ve been fortunate enough that I do have a good general contractor, so I’ve been able to rely on him. When I’m feeling not quite like the person that I want to be, I can say to him, “Well how about you handle this?” I don’t want to be burning any bridges. So, it’s been stressful. And then of course you know everything else that happened in my life the last little while as well, which is sort of compounded, and it’s been an interesting few months.

I asked Andrea if she was willing to speak about what else has been going on – so she went on.

“I’ll try not to cry, but my mom passed away, two months ago on the 29th. That took me away from everything, and that was really hard too, because the contractors were always asking me for various things, and I would have to say no, and that I was focused completely on my mom right now. That did not help my stress levels whatsoever. I’m not even sure if I could have found gratitude at that point, but that is incorrect because I did find gratitude. Everybody that was taking care of my mom was just amazing. I had put that into my vision and so when I was going through the last few weeks of her life, I knew what type of a person I wanted to be, and I knew how I wanted to show up for that. I did, and I’m really proud of myself for how I did that.”

I commended her.  “Andrea, give yourself some credit and a pat on the back, right? You should be very proud. You very intentionally made a decision about who you wanted to be as you navigated your mom’s end of life. You asked yourself, how do I want to show up? How do I want to choose to spend my time? And the ability to say no to some things, right? This isn’t a priority right now. This is who I want to be. This is how I want to show up, and you did that, and that takes a mastery level of of thinking and of awareness to not let the conditions and circumstances determine that. But you really made a conscious effort. And it’s not easy.”

Andrea responded, “I am. I’m super proud of myself andI know my mom would be proud of me too. I’m still dealing with the grief, and the aftermath like the estate and everything that goes along with that, and still dealing with a renovation. People always tell me how strong I am, and there’s days where I’m like I don’t want to be strong. I’m just done.”

Have you ever felt like that? I answered her: “It’s okay to be vulnerable and to say, you know what, I can’t do this right now. And that grieving process is very, very real, so allow yourself time to to be inside of that.”

Andrea agreed to some coaching for setting herself up for success over the next four to six weeks. “So, what I hear you saying is time – so that lack of time, while you’re running a business,  grieving, still dealing with the estate, you’ve got the renovation – there’s lots going on. And, now we’re going into the holidays too. It’s easy to move into stress and overwhelm, I can help to really support you and to navigate that.”

Today’s topic on YouTube

I would invite anybody who’s who’s watching to do this along with us, because the the process, regardless of the conditions or the circumstance, really is the same.

Put both feet on the floor, sit up nice and tall, and go ahead and take a nice big breath in through the nose and exhaling slowly through your mouth as if you’re breathing through a straw, and repeat that two more times. Inhaling and exhaling and continue to breathe in that way.

I invite you to imagine it’s six months from now, and it’s all worked out. State it as if it were present tense – “I’m so happy and grateful now that…”

I asked Andrea to take us into a snapshot version of what’s happening in her life, in the present tense.
“I’m so happy and grateful now that my renovation is completely done, I am running a very successful Airbnb. My suite is regularly rented out, I have amazing clients. My backyard is looking amazing, I’ve made another really beautiful space outside, which adds to the allure of my my Air BnB. My garden is just being planted and the yard looks fantastic. I’ve been doing some more purging which is freeing me, and giving me what I feel like I need – more space. And I’ve been able to rearrange and move some stuff around and I personally feel lighter and freer. And, I’m doing some more traveling, I’m getting ready for a trip down to Oregon that I want to take on my bike. I just have this sense of lightness, and sense of adventure in me.”

I clarified: “Okay Andrea, so it’s you’re rented out, you’ve got great renters, and purging, the gardens are planted, you’re taking the trip, when you think about that how does it feel? where do you feel that?”

Andrea’s response: “I just I feel that sense of lightness. I do feel so light and free!”

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I asked Andrea to pause, take a breath into that right now. To feel that lightness. Feel that freedom. I asked her – that that version of herself, in that vision, what would she say to you right now? What wisdom, what message does that version of you have for you?

Andrea answered: “It’s what I say it to myself regularly every day, that everything always works out for me in the most spectacular ways. I’ve looked back many times and everything always works out for me, in the most amazing of ways that I never thought would be possible. It’s a really good reminder that I just need to stay focused.”

I agreed! “So there’s lots of magic, but maintain the mindset, so the focus, or the energy, or the mindset that things are always working out for me in spectacular ways.” I asked Andrea if there an action step that she could take to ground this? She committed to contacting someone from the community about blinds for her renovation – it’s been on her mind as something she has wanted to take care of and had been putting off. So an action step she has been putting off for weeks was completed in the same afternoon that we spoke.

Does anyone else who want to adopt that idea that things are always working out for me in spectacular ways?  Thank you to Andrea. I adore her, and it’s been so fun to watch the growth over this last few months, and lots yet to come for her.

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About Stacey

Stacey Berger

Stacey Berger

After 16 years of climbing the corporate ladder, mentoring entrepreneurs in marking, operations and finance, I made the decision in 2014 to teach success principles full time, combining my love of business and personal development.

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