Today I’m going to give you six love supplies that can help build greater intimacy, can help build greater connection, so that you can really up level the experience that you’re currently having in your relationships in your life.
There was a study done by Harvard where they interviewed over 20,000 people, and what they were looking for is how people feel loved and express love, and from that study they learned there are six love supplies for how people best feel loved.
I’m going to share those six with you today, and as you read these six, I invite you to think about the most intimate relationships in your life. Which one of these could you turn up the volume on, and really lean into, to help build greater connection and greater intimacy with the relationships in your life?
Here are the six love supplies:
Keeping clear agreements. If you say you’re going to be home at five o’clock, are you home at five o’clock? If you’re going to meet somebody for coffee, are you always running late? Do you tend to over promise and under deliver? If that’s a pattern or a habit for you, it may be impacting the way people in your life feel loved and feel appreciated. If this is you, is there a way where you could make and keep those agreements at a deeper level in your life?
The next one is honouring differences. There’s a difference in tolerating people’s differences and really honouring people’s differences. So sometimes when somebody doesn’t do things the same way we do, there’s sometimes a reaction like, “Well I just tolerate it.” or “I just put up with it.” Contrast that to actually honouring or respecting the difference, knowing that we’re not all the same. We have different gifts, backgrounds, and ways in which we do things. In the relationships in your life, could you be bringing more energy of honouring the uniqueness and differences in those relationships and in those people?
The next one is speaking the truth with love. When we’re communicating and connecting with other people, sharing our opinions and perspectives, sharing what’s going on in our life, does it come from a place of love, or with positive intention? This also means that knowing that when somebody’s sharing and speaking with us, that they’re also doing that with a positive intention. Be more mindful of your words and how you’re interacting with people, and really learn how to speak your truth from a place of love and positive intention. When you do that, the people in your life will feel more loved, honoured, respected, and it’ll help build that connection.
The next way that people feel loved is appropriate touch. First of all, pay attention to the word appropriate. Have you ever been hugged by somebody, and you know that they’re not really inside that hug? You can tell that they’re thinking about something else, or it feels a little bit cold? Then, there’s those people where you hug them and you can just feel that connection – you can feel the love! It’s the same thing when we hold somebody’s hand. When we’re really inside that connection, it helps to deepen that relationship. If appropriate touch is how you feel loved, or that you can really connect and be present with people in you life, be more aware of when you are doing these things out of habit or routine. Is your love really expressing through that connection?
The next love supply is acknowledgement and praise. People feel loved when they’re acknowledged, praised, or appreciated. A really great nuance with this one is that the more specific you are with your praise and your acknowledgment, it tends to have a different response. You can say to somebody, “I appreciate everything you do for me,” and that’s one level of acknowledgment and praise, but when you say “You know what? I was so grateful when you did this specific thing for me” (When you emptied the dishwasher last night, when you wrote me that note, and when you said this thing). “And it really made me feel good.” The more specific you are with that acknowledgement and that praise, it has this much greater impact on the people around you.
The final love supply is being authentically listened to. We live in a distracted era and that can affect how we’re showing up in our relationships and how we’re connecting with people. If we know that people most feel loved when they’re authentically being listened to, it’s an opportunity for all of us to be more present with the people in our lives. To really listen to what they’re saying. Not just their words, but their energy, their emotions, their body language. We’re not listening to respond, not listening and coming up with what you’re going to say next, but really being present in conversations. And that’s the way that people feel loved.
If you’re ready to bring your relationships to a new level of connection, a new level of intimacy, take these six love supplies, pick one of them and make a commitment this week to really experiment with doing a better job with applying that into your life, and watch what happens.
To you living a life you love,