The Key to a Successful Relationship – Love Languages

Stacey Berger five Love Languages

What’s the key to a successful marriage?

This week my parents are celebrating a very special wedding anniversary, their 50th wedding anniversary! A successful marriage is not always based on the longevity of the marriage, but I’m so grateful for parents who have role modelled a successful marriage.

Today I wanted to share some tips for a successful relationship. These tips aren’t just meant for a romantic relationship, but they apply to all relationships in our life.

I wanted to talk about Gary Chapman’s work, and you may be familiar with his book, The Five Love Languages. If this is a book you haven’t read, I would highly recommend it to you. It’s a gift that I like to give as a wedding gift or a shower gift because I think the principles that he unpacks inside of his book, The Five Love Languages, can be a foundational piece to setting people up for success in their relationships.

The five love languages identifies that we all have different ways that we receive love. Understanding this can be a foundational piece to setting your relationship up for success!

The five love languages identifies that we all have different ways that we receive love. If you can imagine that you have a ‘love tank’, kind of like your car has a gas tank, and when your love tank is full, you’re happier, you’re feeling more connected, there’s more intimacy and connection and love inside of a relationship. And just like if you let your gas tank go to empty, it sputters and the car dies, it’s the same in our relationships. If ourself or our partner has an empty love tank, then that relationship starts to sputter out, and if we’re not careful, that can be the end of a relationship or the end of a happy relationship. We still may stay in relationship, but you’re not going to feel as fulfilled in that relationship.

I’m not going to go into a deep dive on all of the love languages, but what I want to speak about is the fact that all of our love languages are different. One of the things that may fill your love tank may not be the same as what fills your partner’s tank up. One of the pieces in relationships is really this idea of being in service of our partner, or in service of the relationship. If your intention is to have greater connection or greater intimacy, that requires us to give of ourselves to our partners. We’re not responsible for our partners happiness, and we can’t change them, but when we’re both making a commitment to be in relationship to create greater connection, greater intimacy, greater fulfillment, it requires both of us to give of ourselves.

Today’s topic on YouTube

Here is a summary of Gary Chapman’s five love languages:

  1. Words of affirmation. When you’re complemented, told that you’re doing a good job, or otherwise affirmed in your marriage by your partner, that can fill up your love tank.
  2. Quality time. For some of us, spending quality time with friends, family members, or your partner, fills up your love tank.
  3. Gifts. These don’t have to be big lavish gifts, but when you are given a gift, it just makes you feel so loved and connected.
  4. Acts of service. Think about when somebody does something for you, whether it’s emptying the dishwasher, taking out the garbage, helping with chores around the house, running errands. When your partner does those things for you, you just feel so loved, and it really again fills up that love tank.
  5. Physical touch. You feel really loved when you’re holding hands, when you’re kissing, when there’s that physical contact.

 

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When we understand not only what our love language is, but our partners love language, and we begin to fill their tank with their love language, they feel more loved appreciated, connected. When our partner knows what our love language is and shows us love in that way, we feel more loved, our love tank is full, which ultimately creates this really great relationship.

Here’s why this is so important: for example, say my love language is quality time, but my partner’s love language is acts of service. I’m showing him love with tons of quality time, but if he’s still not feeling loved, I might be frustrated by that because we are spending all this time together! But if I’m not helping out around the house, if I’m not doing my part or contributing, I’m not showing him love in his love language which is acts of service.

It’s required of us to speak the other person’s love language in order to fill up their their love tank. I would encourage you to check out Gary Chapman’s work, and he has a quiz where you can discover what your love language is. Share it with your partner or do it together.

Just by understanding that we all feel loved differently, and then communicating and connecting in a way that resonates with one another, we create greater connection, greater intimacy, and greater fulfillment in our relationships.

I want to acknowledge my parents today for their 50 years of working on their marriage and really role modelling what that can look like. I wish you many many more years together!

You have a vision of what you would love in your relationships, and this is one piece to really create that greater intimacy, longevity, and fulfillment.

Here is to you living a life you love,

Stacey

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About Stacey

Stacey Berger

Stacey Berger

After 16 years of climbing the corporate ladder, mentoring entrepreneurs in marking, operations and finance, I made the decision in 2014 to teach success principles full time, combining my love of business and personal development.

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