Remove Toxic People From Your Life… With Love

dealing with toxic relationships

Feeling exhausted and drained from a toxic relationship?

One of the questions from this community was, “How do I let go of toxic people in my life with love?”

I love the question and how it was even framed with the ‘with love’ part.

Think about somebody in your life who is toxic, that when you’re around them, you feel exhausted or drained, and every time you’re together, they’re complaining about something. Maybe it’s the same thing over and over again, or there’s always something going on wrong with them, and you’re ready to move on. Or maybe you have somebody in your life who hurt or betrayed you, leaving you feeling resentment or anger towards them, and you’re ready to let it go.

 

How do we forgive, how do we let go, and ultimately move on from those toxic relationships so that our energy is clear, so we're conduits to have greater relationships, greater love, and greater connection in our life?

The Power of Resentment in Relationships

Let’s talk about the power of resentment for a second and then toxicity.

There’s a great expression that goes like this: you can bury a stick, you can bury a rock, but you can’t bury a worm. Eventually, that worm is going to find its way to the surface. And it’s the same with our emotions. Our emotions are energy in motion, and we can’t simply bury them – they will find a way to express themselves in our lives in some way. They’ll show up sometimes as physical dis-ease, where you’re getting aches or pains or developing ulcers that will show up and express themselves. Sometimes it expresses itself in your other relationships or with your finances. It will find a way to the surface.

When we’re dealing with toxicity or resentment with the people in our lives, if we don’t move that energy or release it somehow, it will end up harming us in another way if you’ve ever heard the expression that when we’re resentful, it’s like drinking poison but expecting the other person to die.

Today we’re talking about how we forgive, how we let go, and ultimately move on from those relationships so that our energy is clear, so we’re conduits to have more significant relationships, greater love, and greater connection in our lives? Because the truth is, if we have resentment, toxicity, bitterness, and anger, and we’ve got a whole bunch of energy tied up with that, that energy isn’t available for us to pursue our dreams.

Today’s topic on YouTube

What is Forgiveness?

True forgiveness is when we let go of that for ourselves.

An old outdated idea of forgiveness is needing someone else to apologize, to say sorry, to acknowledge that they were wrong. We’re waiting for somebody else to do something so we can let it go. We don’t always have a choice about that, do we? And sometimes when we finally get that apology, we don’t feel any better.

True forgiveness actually has nothing to do with the other person but everything to do with us, so that we’re able to really move forward in a way that feels good to us.

We know it’s more important to forgive than to let go of those toxic people in our life because they’re impacting us. So how do we release them with love?

  1. One of the first steps is to acknowledge that we are all doing the best we can at our level of awareness. What does that mean? People in your life, including those toxic relationships, are showing up to life the only way they know-how, based on their level of awareness right now. Based on their upbringing, education, impactful events in their lives, and influences that they’ve had. They have a certain level of awareness and they have patterns about how they show up in relationships and to their lives, just like I have patterns about how I show up in my life, and so do you.
    We’re all doing the best we can at our level of awareness. When we start to acknowledge that we’re all doing the best we can, what happens is it makes it easier to go to compassion. It’s not personal. Their behaviour and actions feel really personal, but it’s actually not personal. They’re doing the best they can. This doesn’t mean their behaviour is acceptable, it doesn’t mean it’s right, it doesn’t mean that we put ourselves in harm’s way, but there’s just this acknowledgement that they’re doing them. They’re doing all they know how to do. What I have a choice about is who I want to be, and how do I want to show up?
    As we start to acknowledge that we’re all doing the best we can, it separates that beingness from the behaviour, and again allows us to move to a state of compassion. When we’re compassionate, it makes forgiveness much easier. Acknowledging is really one of the first steps. It’s not easy and it takes some time to get there, but it’s very, very powerful.
  2. Acknowledge that they are here for your growth. Think about everybody showing up in your life for your growth. The Dalai Lama says this so beautifully. We all have friends. We have friends that are easy to love, we have friends that are easy to forgive, and then we have our sacred friends. And if you look at the Dalai Lama’s life and what happened in Tibet, and the atrocities that his people faced and continued to face, he says that the Chinese government, what they did in Tibet, they’re my sacred friends. They’re allowing my heart to grow and my heart to expand. Without them, my heart wouldn’t have grown the way it did. So think about the people in your life that betrayed you, those toxic people, in those toxic relationships. When we can move to a place of acknowledgement, compassion, and forgiveness, that takes a different level of spiritual fortitude. And as we get there with our sacred friends, our hearts grow.
    Our capacity for love and our capacity for compassion expands. So as you’re thinking about those sacred friends in your life, the ones that are tough to love, tough to forgive, think about them as a gift. And as you do your forgiveness work with that relationship, your heart is expanding. Your capacity for love is expanding. And as your heart and your capacity for love expands, your openness to receive more abundance, more love, and more full-spectrum success also expands. So your sacred friends in your life are here for your growth, for your expansion.

 

Stacey Berger Business Coach
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How to Use Love to Remove Toxic Relationships

So when we acknowledge that everyone’s doing the best they can, that this is a sacred friend that will allow my heart to grow – can you see how we start to hold these people in our life a little bit lighter? Where instead of fighting them and pushing against them, we’re a little bit gentler with ourselves and with them?

Then, it’s really about who do I want to be? So as we’re in a state of compassion, my invitation to you is to wish them well. Bless them, and wish them well. I believe at the core, we want everybody in our life to be happy and to do well. It doesn’t mean we necessarily want a physical relationship with them, but we wish them well on their journey, we wish them happiness, we wish them success, we wish them love, as we do so for ourselves.

Every time that toxic relationship or that person comes to your mind, or maybe there’s a physical interaction, just bless them and wish them well. Again, it doesn’t mean you want a physical relationship with them or you’re going to be hanging out with them, but what you want is to be free in your own mind so you’re not holding on to that toxicity. So you’re no longer drinking that poison.

What I’ve prepared for you is a forgiveness meditation that you can download here and listen to, to help really let go of those sacred friends. To wish them well, so that your heart can expand. So go ahead and download that free meditation to really help set down those toxic relationships in your life so you can be free to love, so that you can be free to really live a life you love living.

Dig deeper and read this article on how to handle the negative people in your life.

Stacey

 

 

 

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About Stacey

Stacey Berger

Stacey Berger

After 16 years of climbing the corporate ladder, mentoring entrepreneurs in marking, operations and finance, I made the decision in 2014 to teach success principles full time, combining my love of business and personal development.

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