Anytime my 9 year old son really wants something, he’ll come to me and he just has such a hard time asking for what he wants! One day he said, “Mom, why is it so hard to ask? And I responded, “Well typically it’s because we have a fear of rejection. Because what if the answer’s no?”
I don’t think that’s just true for 9 year olds, but for all of us!
We are hard wired in our brains. If you can imagine, hundreds of thousands of years ago, we relied so much on community. Being accepted by our community meant survival – if we were rejected by our community, that was almost a guaranteed death. We are wired for acceptance.
And because of that, our feeling of being rejected is so wired within us, that sometimes it can be really difficult to be vulnerable, to ask for what we want, and to really be that authentic self.
On the other hand, we know when it comes to relationship and connection, how much we value vulnerability, authenticity. It’s what allows us to connect.
So it’s like there’s these two parts of us. One who’s scared to put ourselves out there, what if we get rejected? What if we’re not accepted? What if we get ridiculed? Especially in this cancel culture that we have today, rejection can mean massive pain. When somebody makes a mistake, or they say the wrong thing, all of a sudden there’s this big uprise and their contracts are being cancelled, and they’re being blasted on social media, that fall is so huge. And so what that can do within us is reinforce this fear of being our vulnerable authentic selves.
So here we are longing for connection, we’re longing for community, we’re longing for growth, and we’re scared to put ourselves out there. Does that resonate with you?
I know in my own life, that fear of being vulnerable has held me back numerous times, where I felt like I had to look like I’ve got it all together, don’t admit my weaknesses, don’t admit when I don’t have the answer…And that type of thinking actually holds us back. When we are more vulnerable, when we are more authentic, that’s when people are gravitated towards us. That’s when we create these deep meaningful relationships and connections.
How do we lean into that part of us that wants to ask for what we want? Asking for help and looking for guidance is not a weakness. It’s how we grow, it’s how we expand. It’s how we nurture relationships, it’s how we lean into being that authentic self.
So, how do you be vulnerable? How do you ask for what you want when there is a fear of rejection, failure, or of being ridiculed? Here are two questions to ask yourself.
It can be really really helpful to realize that if you don’t lean in, if you’re not vulnerable, what’s the cost of staying where you are? There’s a cost of not asking for what you want. There’s a cost of not requesting growth, of not being that authentic self. What’s the cost if you don’t lean in here? What’s the cost if you don’t ask? And there’s absolutely a cost of staying where you are. Sometimes that might be decreased happiness, it could cost you your relationships, it could cost you a promotion, an opportunity to really stretch yourself to know what you’re capable of. Asking yourself, if I don’t lean in here, if I’m not vulnerable, what’s the cost of that?
The second question we want to ask ourselves is what’s the potential upside of you being vulnerable? We want to look at what’s the opportunity. What could occur for me if I do lean in? If I am vulnerable? If I do ask? I always say to my son, “the answer is always no if you don’t ask.” And so what you’re risking is the potential “yes”, the potential growth, the potential opportunity.
Once we start to weigh those two things out, it can be helpful to help us take that first step, to be vulnerable, to be more authentic, and therefore to really know what we’re truly capable of.
Here’s my moment to be vulnerable. I am very very proud of this community that we’ve built, and I’m so grateful for you tuning in every week and watching these videos and reading my blog. And I know that I’ve also prevented it from really growing. Because the fear has been, if this channel grows, if more people start to see these videos, it’s more likely that there’s going to be negative comments, there’s going to be criticism, there’s going to be dislikes.
And again, that fear of not being accepted has held me back, up until now. I look at what my goals are and how I want to serve people. And I know these messages change lives! I want to reach as many people with these messages as possible. So here I am, being vulnerable, leaning in, and committing to doing everything I can to grow my Youtube channel, and here’s where I need your help.
Every like, every subscribe, every comment helps us get this message to other people. There are so many people around this world right now that have this desire for more, who want to know how to discover their passion, and live on purpose, and work with their mindset to really create results. My ask for you is if these videos on my Youtube channel are serving you, share them, like them, comment on them, and you can help me spread this message so we can really create this incredible global impact. Here is me being vulnerable, asking for your help, putting myself out there.
And I hope you’re going to do the same. Think about where have you been holding back for fear of rejection, of not being accepted, and what’s a step that you can take today to really lean into that. We have created a great worksheet to help really look at the opportunity/cost.
There’s a cost of staying where you are, and there’s an opportunity. Download the worksheet, and use it to help you be more vulnerable. To help you lean in, so that you can really live your best life. Be vulnerable, choose connection over fear of rejection.
Here is to you living a life you love,