What if I outgrow my spouse? It’s a great question that I get asked often.
When people start working with me in life coaching, and are starting to do their mindset work, moving towards their vision, and all of a sudden things are beginning to open up in their lives – and yet they’re now looking at their spouse and saying, “Oh, they’re stuck.” They might be noticing, they’re not in the same conversations I am. They’re not learning what I’m learning. And pretty soon what can rise up is this fear of “Uh oh, what if I outgrow my spouse?”
It can be a tough place to be, because you’re on fire with your dreams, you’re excited about what you’re learning, and you want the people around you to have what you’re having, to experience what you’re experiencing! Often you can be met with resistance, because again, they’re not thinking the same way you’re thinking, and they don’t have the same support.
This gap can start to grow as far as awareness work, mindset work, visioning work, and it can be scary because this is somebody you love – you want them to come on this journey with you. You want to grow together.
So how do you navigate this fear of, “What if I outgrow my spouse?”
The gap between you can start to grow, which can be scary. This is somebody you love - you want them to come on this journey with you. You want to grow together!
Remember, everything starts in our vision. Everything starts in our minds. Really look at your vision for your primary relationship with your partner and ask the question, “What would I love?”
Imagine it’s a year from now when it’s all worked out, what’s happening in that relationship? What kind of conversations are you having? How are they experiencing their life inside your vision?
You might be saying things like “My partner is in love with the work they’re doing, they wake up and they’re so excited to be doing what they love.” You might write in your vision “I love the conversations we’re having, we’re building our dreams, we’re celebrating goals achieved.” And then we come back to the present moment. So if this is my vision, how am I showing up today in my relationship?
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It’s really easy to get fixated on how our partner isn’t growing, and shine the light on the words they’re using or not using, right? We can start to get nitpicky with our partner, “You should be thinking this way, you should be talking that way. You need to have a vision.” And that can trigger our partners to get more defensive, feel like they’re doing something wrong.
Instead, tune your attention to what are they doing right – the goals that they do have, how they are showing up in their life, where they are practicing gratitude and celebrating and noticing where you are growing together.
Notice when you start getting fixated on what you don’t like, what’s not going well, and what you want to change. Refocus your energy on what you do love about this person, how they have accomplished things before, where you are dreaming together.
And that’s going to support you in feeling better about the relationship.
Remember the only person you can change is you, and what I have come to see over the years is as you’re doing your own inner work, as you’re working on living your best life, and you’re celebrating the people around you, more often than not the people in your life start going, “Hey, I want what you’re having!” They see your growth, they see your progress and they start asking questions. “So what are you doing? What are you learning? Tell me more!”
And just know, in their own time and in their own way, they will get involved.
As you’re living your best life, don’t let the fear of outgrowing your partner hold you back from living your best life. Trust that if you’re out there living your best life, doing what it is that you love, the people around you will meet you there as well.
I hope this serves you. If there’s somebody you know that this would serve, make sure you be a person of increase and forward this to them to really support them in their relationship.
Here is to you living a life you love,
Stacey
After 16 years of climbing the corporate ladder, mentoring entrepreneurs in marking, operations and finance, I made the decision in 2014 to teach success principles full time, combining my love of business and personal development.
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If we want to produce new results in our life, we have to change our mindset.
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